Letting your guard down : There is no way to prepare for adoption that falls through
Marny* and Joe* have been trying for over four years to become parents. After two rounds of failed IVF they decided to pursue adoption to grow their family. They have family members that have become parents with public adoption so they chose that route. They started PRIDE in January 2013 and were adopt ready in June the same year. Their local CAS currently has a foster with a view to adopt program for their children ages 0-6. Because they have asked to be matched with a child, or sibling group, between 0-3 they fell into the foster with a view program.
Their first call from CAS with a potential match they turned down and then received another call the first week of September 2013. They were presented with a sibling group, both a girl and boy within their age range. They were well aware of the risks they were taking but the case sounded strong and so they agreed. The children were placed with them in October 2013. They endured many struggles relating to attachment and weren't offered the right support plus they found it difficult to fully let their guard down since they knew there was a chance the children would be returned to their birth family.
In August 2014 they were notified that there was not enough evidence for CAS to maintain their application for crown wardship and the children were returned to their birth family in September 2014. Marny and Joe are still healing from their loss of these children they had grown to love so deeply - losses compounded back to their fertility treatments. Their journey has now brought them back to being awaiting parents again.
Because of their faith, Marney and Joe feel comforted that their journey had a purpose for all of them. When asked Marney said, « the bright side to our journey is that we know the road we have to follow again and in the process have found invaluable resources. We were also able to allow the kids to thrive in our home for a year. We have been able to provide feedback to our CAS and let them know where we believe improvements need to be made with their foster with a view to adopt program.»
Foster with a view to adopt programs are becoming more prevalent across the province. The theory is to place children in homes that could become permanent if it turns out they are not able to go back to their birth families. For children where reunification with birthfamily or where kinship placement are not possible, this is the next best scenario as it minimizes the number of foster placements for the child(ren) helping improve attachment. Families that welcome into their home and their hearts children under the foster with a view to adopt program need support while these children are being fostered with them and if they children leave their home. The emotional cost is great even if it is for the greater good of the child(ren).
*A pseudonym has been used in this story
Disclaimer "These stories are the perspectives of awaiting parents. Adopt4Life aims to give parents a voice, and as such stories remain unchanged even if they may appear controversial. It is the hope of Adopt4Life that by bringing awareness to the thoughts and feelings of families, together we can work to bring change that benefits everyone."