We are a trans-racial and trans-cultural family. In contemplating what to write for a blog post on this topic, I invited my 7 year-old daughter to share her perspective, and she was interested in the opportunity to contribute. Here are her thoughts:

In that moment, I knew that I would take on the task of moving her from a birth into captivity and introducing her to the freedom of choice that the human spirit longs for… that kids born into health here in Canada take for granted.

It doesn’t work to force your vision of a happy family on a child, we all know this in theory. This piece may only relate to teens, but I think it takes some trial and error and work-shopping to figure out the attachment piece; not every child needs the same thing.  

My experience of being an adoptive parent for 18 years has been many things, not the least of which, a journey of self-reflection, humility and objectivity. It has required me to look through the lens of my daughter’s eyes, in situations from the mundane to the complex, in an attempt to imagine how she feels about it all. I can never know.

At the beginning of our adoption journey, we had a very specific idea of what our family would look like, and how we would handle parenting challenges.

For the first 2 years of my son being home, I thought we had dodged the whole, “attachment issues” bullet. It seems that I was wrong… 

Whether or not to breastfeed is a very personal decision for both biological and adoptive mothers. In my opinion the feelings of both the mother and child need to be respected in making a decision either way. 

At the beginning of our adoption journey, we had a very specific idea of what our family would look like, and how we would handle parenting challenges. What we have discovered is that our son has taught us how to adapt to circumstances and make connections that we never would have thought possible.

Read, learn, experience, try things out and put aside anything that isn’t working for you. You will figure it out and become a stronger family for discovering your own best ways of doing things together. 

We protected ourselves so much, but we built walls. All these things unfortunately delayed our bond and attachment to our child.

Attachment takes work. Playing, attuning, and connecting in moments of good behaviour is easy. Staying connected in moments of undesirable behaviour—not so much. In fact, without compassion, I find it nearly impossible.