Drink less coffee, eat less junk food, go to the gym more – these are typically what people vouch for themselves for their New Year’s resolutions. For me, it’s to be more patient, more sensitive, to trust the process and to expect the unexpected.
If the adoption process has taught me anything in our three-plus-yearlong journey, it’s that nothing can be predicted. The training takes longer, the meetings are tougher and the costs are greater than expected. My body has gone through weight gain and weight loss, lack of sleep and over sleeping and my moods have been all over the place. Sometimes, my husband and I laugh at our situation, sometimes we cry. Sometimes we can smile and nod, while other times we want to hit something. We are constantly told to be patient.
But the problem is, we are do-ers. During this entire process, we’ve been asked to do this or do that. Go here, take this course, do that form and attend those meetings. When it’s all over, we’re asked to just sit there and ‘be patient’. How do we stop the roller coaster when it’s at its highest peak, balancing between the in climb and the free fall? It’s practically impossible to do so.
Our brains have been programmed over the last year of our adoption journey to keep forging ahead, to build a name for ourselves, announce our plans to the world, create websites and advertise ourselves like some charity case. And now, we are told to sit quietly, unnoticed, forgotten, to wait and be patient while our child is out there somewhere waiting for us. How long will it take for the light to turn green again? Will we ever get that advanced green? Or is our system broken and therefore, we won’t be moving forward at all?
Each New Year is a chance to evaluate your past year and an opportunity to begin again, better yourself and create goals. It’s not in my nature or in my natural behavior to sit quietly and to wait for my life to take shape. I’m not used to giving up that control to someone else. Therefore, this year, my resolution is to be more patient, more sensitive, trust the process and expect the unexpected. Because, when that light turns green and it’s the free fall, I want to be ready.