February 15th is a pretty boring day for most people. For many, it’s the day after Valentine’s Day, where chocolates and flowers are marked with a big red sticker, advertising half price deals. It’s a day filled with thoughts of the night before, the company, maybe even a slight hangover and a food coma. This is usually a happy day, at least, it used to be for us.
Now, because of the famous celebratory day that proceeds it, February 15th is a day the world just won’t let us ignore or even avoid. Expected to carry on with our days, we simply must put on our straight faces and go out into the world pretending today is just as joyous as yesterday. But the very fact that everyone around us is still on that high from the previous night is what makes our situation so difficult.
February 15th is the day we lost our little bean. A miracle conception doctors told us could never happen, only to be lost so quickly. Not having enjoyed him for very long and not having anything left behind to grieve properly or to bury has made the entire sad day almost unreal. The only reminder is the memories, the sadness and the yearning for our child whom we lost so early on.
Workplaces don’t provide grievance days for miscarriages that are so early on, but what about the emotion impact is creates to lose a child, no matter what stage in the pregnancy? We had much to process and much to grieve.
Two years later, we talk about planting a tree in our front yard. A reminder and a place to remember our son. A healthy, thriving living thing that will grow in front of our eyes. Something we can watch on and take care of. Where any future children can play underneath its leaves, sheltered from the sun’s harsh rays. A place to go to when we need to grieve. It hadn’t occurred to us how important it was to have a place such as this until we started discussing it. Having a place to go to seemed to provide us with a great sense of peace.
The memory of our son will never be forgotten, and now thanks to this tree, his death has created life and new memories to come.