By: Mother of a Hidden Pearl, Adopt4Life Community
As 2018 commences, and guaranteed difficult times lie ahead, I wonder How can I fight the good fight?
I remember the day well. Our third family therapist in three years greeted me and my husband with a smile as she led us into her office. I forced a smile back but my frowns, crinkled above my nose, likely betrayed my true thoughts. Will you be the magic one who can help us make our adopted daughter behave?
Reality sunk in over time: There are no perfect solutions or cookie-cutter strategies. Every day is different, every situation is different, and behaviour issues change.
As 2018 commences, and guaranteed difficult times lie ahead, I wonder How can I fight the good fight? Here are some thoughts based on three word-pictures found in 2 Timothy 2:3-6.
Like a Soldier
Soldiers endure hardships but persevere.
Soldiers take orders and obey.
Soldiers stay focused.
As a soldier of God, I will shower my daughter with love no matter what. With every hateful word she spews at me, I will try to respond with patience, self-control, and compassion. When opportune moments arise, I will connect with her through play. I will remind her that I’m here to help her. I will guide her in knowing how to express herself appropriately.
During difficult times—which can last days, weeks, or even months—I will strengthen my mind by cutting off self-defeating thoughts such as I can’t take this anymore and replace them with encouraging scriptures.
In 2018, I will fight the good fight like a soldier.
Like an Athlete
Athletes endure rigorous training.
Athletes follow the rules.
Athletes focus on their goal.
I feel wounded when my daughter says, “You are the worst mom ever,” “I hate you,” or “I want a new mom.” In these moments, I want to flip my lid. But I won’t.
All therapists say, “Remain calm.” So, I will try to suppress my desire to yell. I will try to suppress my desire to get in her face and tell her why I’m a good mom. I will try to suppress my desire to slam a door. I will even try to suppress my instinct to burst into tears. This requires training, but I will remain focused on my goal of helping my daughter attach and heal.
In 2018, I will fight the good fight like an athlete.
Like a Farmer
Farmers work hard.
Farmers are patient.
Farmers hope for a good harvest.
Farming is tedious work. Not glamorous. Day in and day out, farmers sow seeds, water crops, pull weeds, and more. Then they wait patiently to reap what they’ve sown.
Like a farmer, I will sow seeds too. Mine will be seeds of love. I will water with patience, compassion, and play. I will pull the weeds of insults and dysregulation by modeling desired words and behaviour. The fruits of my labour will take time to produce a good result. That’s okay. I’m in this for the long haul.
In 2018, I will fight the good fight like a farmer.
For more articles by Mother of a Hidden Pearl, visit ahiddenpearl.com