“I am sad for what my daughter is missing today, for how much richer her outdoor play could be; for all the worms and frogs she doesn’t find.”
The journey I’m experiencing is a roller coaster of emotions. There are so many ups and downs and unexpected turns. I’m excited and laughing one moment, then scared or crying the next.
By belonging to this community and helping out with events, I have formed solid and irreplaceable friendships with women and men who truly understand our unique parenthood journey.
A new year always brings a little spark of ‘what if’ and this year is no different. As I continue to grieve the past, I can’t help but become excited for what this new year may bring.
Intertwined personal and political factors led to my decision to adopt: I was turning 40, single, wanting children, and afraid it might be too late. I was also keenly aware of the environmental impact of adding another child to an overcrowded planet—that didn’t stop the wanting, it just added a layer of guilt and doubt.
No matter where you are in your journey, please know that all of us are here to support you. It’s ok to need more, it’s ok to ask for help, and it’s definitely ok to put yourself first during the holiday season.
My husband and I first heard the word “infertility” a year into our marriage. Immediately, we saw our picture perfect dream of becoming parents shatter into a million tiny shards of glass in front of our eyes. We grieved, we held on to each other as floating devices while we both sunk to the darkest parts of our despair.
Reaching out and receiving the readily given support that this organization provides was a game changer for us. We now know how to move confidently forward on our journey and know that in the future we have access to a second opinion, better understanding, another outside resource or just an objective listener through Adopt4Life.
Finding community to support you through this challenging stage can be really helpful. If your personal circle has trouble understanding the emotions and support that you need during this time, reach out to Adopt4Life.
Rita L. Soronen, President & CEO, Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption gives an overview of the challenges in the adoption world in creating permanency for children and youth, and how each of us can make a difference. The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a national, nonprofit public charity dedicated exclusively to finding permanent homes and loving families for the more than 150,000 children waiting in North America’s foster care systems.
Reflecting on why I do what I do—I think of my daughter. It was her experience and allowing me to share in her joy of knowing that she isn’t the only one, that I now get it: Adopt4Life is for our children as much as it is for us parents. Adopt4Life is about community! This is my “why”!
So there we stood in the dessert heat of Mecca (the holiest religious site in Islam) in May of 2012 performing Umrah (smaller pilgrimage than the Hajj). Standing in front of the Kaaba (the most sacred site in Islam), our arms were stretched and hands cupped in front of us with our faces buried in our hands in prayer. We prayed to Allah (God Almighty), that we were here to make intentions to adopt children, and if this was meant for us, to please help and guide us on this journey.
In this blog, an Adopt4Life Community Parent writes about their adoption journey and their experience with the writings of Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of The New York Times Best Sellers, “The Conscious Parent” and “The Awakened Family” who will be speaking in Toronto on Sunday September 30th 2018. For tickets visit: https://drshefali.com/toronto/
Through the twists and turns of my journey, instead of finding myself with a dark-skinned, curly-haired little one as I had imagined, I was matched locally with a blond-hair girl with big brown eyes who, even before I met her, had her hair parted on the same side I do.
Adoption became hope. It became joy. It was my light in the dark. Something to look forward to. Something to fight for, instead of against.
I was thinking about expectations, and continuing to work towards creating a peaceful parenting home.... when it hit me! We as parents must create a world that is right for our children, not change our children for the world.
I dreaded the outing but resolved to be proactive and to use some strategies from a book titled The Connected Child. They worked. Here are the strategies and how I used them:
Like any mother, I want only what is best for my son. I immediately began to look in to the history, culture, language and spiritual practices of the Metis peoples. I was determined to offer my son information and more importantly than anything else, connection, with his heritage and to his people. The desire to “do the right thing” burned inside of me.
All being told, I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to experience our children come to us by adoption. The sacrifices and experiences a bio-dad does not have to go thorough makes everything worthwhile when your children spoil you for Father’s Day! Happy Father’s Day to all!
At 2 1/2 when paternity leave was over we found a great daycare. We would chuckle at pick up time to find our daughter always wearing a cowboy, prince or ninja costume and her best friend (a boy) always in the princess dresses. It was around this time, at 2 years-old, that our daughter started insisting that she was a boy. I looked it up online. Gender dysphoria. Most kids grow out of it...phew!!
Despite having no “actual memories” of the trauma or difficulty from her past, as the winter turns to spring, when the sun light brightens and strengthens, and the birds begin their song, my daughter’s body and unknown parts of her brain recall the deep losses of her life.
Dealing with infertility is the biggest struggle some women will face, but there is hope. Through my 7 year experience with infertility I have really utilized all of the following methods to reconnect with myself and redevelop my sense of being a strong woman.
In my personal experience, writing about my feelings and sharing my story with others has been incredibly helpful and healing. I found that by talking with others about my own struggles with mental health, others felt safe to open up about their own journeys. Together we are stronger.
To all parents who have experienced sexual abuse, our stories of how we overcame any destructive hurtles we experienced, can give hope to our children, that one day, they too, can overcome their traumas, their sexual abuse.
It would be easy to say that I didn’t know how hard it would be, but the truth is I did know it would be hard. I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t feel that it would be hard. The immense distinction between those two is surprising. Perhaps that is a kind of defense mechanism—if we could actually feel it, would we still choose it?
At times, my life resembles a snowfall. Sometimes it’s a light dusting but other times, it’s a blizzard.
As parents and educators, we are the ones who make a difference in the lives of our children. We are the ones who are out there advocating for our children and making a difference in their lives. Grab every opportunity you can find, learn what you can and pass it on.
Beliefs often get passed down through the generations. In my case, the message silently swirled around us, invisibly present but never spoken. Those implicit messages are often the ones that we absorb the most deeply, that penetrate our subconscious and hibernate deep within us, sometimes lurking there many years before revealing themselves to us at unexpected times.
Usually in life, every benefit has an equal negative. Let’s review some pros and cons of becoming Adopt-Ready privately when you seek to adopt publicly.
Lying is a common behaviour associated with insecure attachment. As a parent of an adopted child with attachment difficulties, this knowledge is important but it doesn’t make my job easier.