How many of you have kids? How many of you had your family because you knew that having kids was the right thing for you and, if applicable, your partner? We knew that having a child was the right choice for us. What we didn’t expect was the violence and hate from our adopted child plus the scarcity of specific, easily-available resources and the expenses for private resources required to help our child.
We adopted our child at 10 months. And for us, the joy we experienced was indescribable. Finally, after all of those years of trying, our family was complete. And, for those of you with kids, you have experienced your own ecstasy with your child (ren). Whatever words you used, we would echo: blissful, joyful, amazing, stunning, and the list goes on.
Our child has ADHD, plus anger and violence issues; as we work with adoption resources, we are starting to realize that our child’s rage is often at its peak around his arrival date anniversary and right after he meets with birth family members. Sadly, yet predictably, our child takes it out physically on us.
have experienced broken bones, walls, doors, the list goes on. We have learned that our child is, at age 13, still grieving the loss of his birth family, and he probably always will. We know that if our child does not get help that works, he will be charged. And then what? What a waste of a wonderful child’s promising future.
What is so frustrating to us is the lack of specific resources to help our child and to help us help him. We know that if our child was in foster care, all the resources would be provided. As his parents, approaching retirement, we worry about the cost of resources and how we will cope. What steps can we take to ensure that funded or subsidized, readily accessible, resources exist for all adopted children in the same way as they are available for foster children? Like you, we want to guide our child toward a fulfilling life. Like your child, our child deserves the best care.
Our children need to heal from trauma that doesn’t always reveal itself until long after placement. Families and their children cannot be left to struggle in isolation. We have to give all families the abilities, resources and tools for their children to be all they can be.